Q & A with Kara_Sutra
Is my boyfriend gay?Question:
First I just want to say that I love your youtube videos, they are so informational.
I would appreciate if you could help me with a dilemma. I recently saw a picture of my boyfriend on a website that I would consider to be a gay site. It's primarily for people who are attracted to transsexual people. Most of the people on the site are pre-op which means they still have dicks, which makes me even more concerned. I have absolutely no idea if he has ever been with someone like this or if this is just a fantasy but even if it is just a fantasy, I'm concerned.
I don't know how to bring this to his attention but I know I need to because I'm worried and he could be putting me in danger of getting something. How do I let him know or ask him if he is living a double life or is on the downlow? We've been together for 3 1/2 years and it would hurt my heart to know that he is like this. He has never shown signs of being interested in men in any way. As a matter of fact he always talks and acts as if he's damn near homophobic. I appreciate your help!
Answer:
First off thanks for watching!! :D
As for the question...I too have been there.
When I was in high school I was in a relationship with someone that I loved very much. We were very close, not only lovers but best friends, we were together all the time and thought one day we would get married...typical high school sweet hearts.
One day I found his journal and read it, which I know was wrong of me, however I did find a phone number and beneath it a males name and a code. So out of curiousity and trusting my instincts, I called it. The number was for a phone chat line "manline", where males can talk with other males to arrange to meet for sex or have phone sex for free. I was shocked, sad, angry, you name it I felt it.
So after a few days of tormenting myself I confronted him. He denied it. I asked him again and told him that I already knew what was going on so he better be honest. He still denied it, not only that but got very angry with me for invading his personal space and privacy.
I'm telling you this because there is a very good chance that even if you do confront him, he may deny it or make up a story about it being a prank or what have you.
I personally made a decision based on the information that I had to end the relationship. I didn't want to chance "catching" something nor did I want to be lied to. It broke my heart, but I felt it was in my own best interest.
That being said, I do think you make for certain it is him. Not someone that looks like him or sounds like him or writes like him. That it is infact actually HIM. Once you are sure that it is him, I think you should ask him, not so much confront, but instead ask. Let him know that you are not judging, but that you need to know for your own safety and security.
Be prepared for him to deny it, to lie, to try to cover it up to get mad at you, at himself, to yell, or cry, or start a fight. If it is infact him, you may be putting him in a situation that he is personally not yet ready to face or deal with. He might not even know himself "what" he is or "who" he is, and this might be part of his experimentation or exploration to find out. Please also keep in mind that as this may be his way of experimenting...it might also be something that will pass in time. However, this was never meant for your eyes. Only his.
When it is all said and done you need to make a decision based on what is in your own best interest and safety. You have to decide what you can and can not deal with or accept, as well as if he is some one that you would want to continue to have in your life if it is true and he confesses everything.
In my situation, it was hard and we had a period of time where we did not talk. In my opinion at the time ~ he was still in the closet and not ready to come out. That was his choice and I honored it and kept what I knew to myself. A year later we talked on the phone and he admitted everything, as well as came out that he was infact gay. To this day we are the best of friends.
Unfortunately I can not say that what happened with me will happen with you and your bf, that you will infact have your own "happy ending". I can however suggest that maybe this isn't something personal about or against you...but instead a part of who he is and needs to learn about so that he can within himself become "whole".
It is hard being gay, and harder being someone who likes transexuals. I'm not speaking from my own personal experience but from those of very close friends that I have.
If that is who he is...then it is who he is and eventually it will come out.
Hopefully you will be able to forgive him for lying or hiding things, as well as accept him for who he is as a person if it is in fact "who" he is.
hope that helped
Kara_Sutra
p.s I would also like to state that in my opinion, where it comes to being homosexual, transexual etc...there is no right or wrong. The statments that it is a persons "choice" have no relevance to me. You are who you are and that can't be ignored or denied. Nor should it be.
By denying who you are or trying to hide it you are infact soulfully wounding your inner being and doing harm to the better part of your spirit.
We all, on every level, deserve to be treated with respect and decency no matter what our sexual "choice" in life is... that being said I have lived my life by one very true motto that spoke volumes to me when I was younger questioning my own sexuality and the "wrongness" or "rightness" of it...
A hand is a hand,
A touch is a touch,
Love is Love...
and Love cannot be denied.
